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Can you say a little about the origins of "Caring for Tommy"? How did you find Tommy and Linda? |
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An editor knew I was planning a series on our region’s booming elderly population and sent me to an open house at an adult day-care center—not to write a daily story but just to gather string for the series. (An all-too-rare occurrence in these rush-me-a-quick-story days, I know!)
The director of the center had asked Linda to stay and talk to me after she dropped Tommy off. I assumed she picked Linda because she was articulate and fairly upbeat about how the center was helping her. This was October of 2007.
I knew Linda was a dream subject the minute she opened her mouth: Honest, warm, funny, not afraid to share the hard stuff and the wonder. And real Roanoke—not pretentious at all.
She was relatively young (60) and still working full-time in a fairly difficult job. Her kids didn’t always agree with her choices about her care for him, and she was open about that. I knew their story would illustrate a growing trend—caregiver spouses who work; dementia striking an increasingly younger population.
But mainly I just really liked Linda, could tell she was someone I could trust and would want to spend time with. I told her immediately about Josh Meltzer, the photographer/videographer I collaborate regularly with, and asked if she’d mind if we checked in with her now and again over the next few months as Tommy's condition developed. She was already struggling with whether she'd have to place him in a nursing home and worrying whether she would know when/if the time was right. |
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Were there any unusual challenges to reporting or writing the piece? |
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This was Josh’s first long-form video project (a 24-minute documentary), and we figured out quickly that we were getting in each other’s way—something we’d dealt with in other projects but not to this degree. One Saturday we were invited to a family gathering, where we would finally meet an out-of-town daughter and her family. Josh got there before me and started videoing immediately. When I arrived, I had to stand around in the background so I wouldn’t be on camera. I was flustered because I’d missed an opportunity to establish rapport with the relatives. I was frustrated, too, because I felt the addition of the video camera distanced us even more from the subjects.
After that, we visited them independently of each other, but I shared my notes—and told him things I knew were going on—and he let me watch his video and take notes on things I could ask her about the next time we met. Luckily, Linda didn’t get sick of us! Josh actually spent Christmas Eve with them and did an amazing late-night interview with Linda, who was particularly open and relaxed.
I can’t stress this enough: It’s so important to collaborate with someone you trust. Strategize constantly. A little competition is OK; working with Josh has always made me work harder because he tends to put at least as many hours in with our subjects as I do. (Who else spends Christmas Eve with his story subjects?!) But be generous with each other. |
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Is there anything you wish you could have included but couldn't or didn't? |
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I wish I had gone the extra mile to interview the son who was most critical of Linda’s decision-making. I called his house and sent e-mail messages through Linda, but I was told he was too busy to talk and/or didn't think he had anything to add. We were very careful to present the disagreements as “This is Linda’s take…,” and even as the pages were being laid out, my editor, Carole Tarrant, asked me to add a quote from Linda’s daughter-in-law, who explained what was going on from the out-of-town kids’ point of view. It was important to include the family dynamics because so often siblings/spouses don’t agree about the best course of care.
But the son was very disappointed in the story, angry at me and Josh and his mom. He was particularly offended by the images in print and online of his mom giving his dad a shower. We stand by the story, but we're sorry that it caused him additional pain. |
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Did any aspect of reporting or writing this piece surprise you? |
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I am constantly amazed at the insights and fears and moments of grace that subjects are willing to share with you if only you spend meaningful time with them and show a genuine curiosity about their lives.
Linda told us things she’d never told her own children—including how she imagined Tommy’s death, how she broke down the day he was kicked out of day care and what happened the night when she thought he’d died. She was just as forthcoming with the humor, too: That story about Tommy watching the Lawrence Welk dancers doing the polka and him saying, “Yeah, I bet he’s gonna poke her tonight, too!” That's priceless stuff, some rare comic relief in a sad, sad situation. |
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Is there anything else you'd like to say about the piece? |
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I knew Linda so well by mid-February (when the story was due) that I felt comfortable reading her the first draft. I knew she wouldn’t pick apart things that didn’t make her look perfect. I knew there would be a few things we needed to negotiate (she wasn’t sure how far she wanted me to go in explaining her salary/financial woes, for instance). But we worked it out in a way that was honest and yet allowed her the privacy she needed.
I have to admit it, and this is embarrassing: But I cried when I read her the story. Good lord, I cried! In front of a story subject! What a dope! But Linda just sat there in her wise way and smiled and nodded. “Well, I know now that you really get it,” she said.
But here’s the thing I've learned from delving into intimate journalism: If it doesn’t move me, then it’s not worth my time—or my readers’. |